The Truth is Friendly

"Hey, do you have a minute? I have something that I would like to talk with you about." 

We've all heard those words and we've all probably felt that nerve-wracking and heart racing feeling as we think through everything we've done in the past month, trying to guess what we'll be rebuked for.

That's a tough moment to live. But, let me tell you, it's even tougher for the person initiating it.

Over this last year, I have had to tell some uncomfortable truths. I have also had many people speak truth to me (even when it hurt my pride). In each of these situations there was an amount of courage that was required; in the first, courage to start the conversation, and in the latter, courage to put my selfishness away and listen.

More often than not, we would rather not hear these things. We would rather hear, "I agree with you," and not, "I don't think that was a very kind thing to say." We would rather hear, "it's okay, it was just a one time thing," not, "Lying is wrong no matter when you do it."

Why? I believe that for some reason we think that the truth produces hurt feelings and conflict, and so, it is not the mark of a true friend. That it is not necessary for the existence of love.

But oh, we are so very wrong in thinking this.

The people pictured here are my very best friends on the entire planet.

Spelunking in Mexico, Summer of 2015 

But, according to our previous line of thinking, we should not be friends. My sisters and parents have constantly spoken uncomfortable truths into my life, and it has produced some hurt feelings and conflict.

"I don't think that that outfit is modest. You should change." 
"You lied and should apologize to her." 
"You're acting like someone other than yourself. Stop." 
"Don't be lazy." 
"You didn't keep your word." 
"That is not what Jesus would have done."

No words dripping with false praise. Just the simple and sharp truth.

And yet, these people are my dearest friends. Why?

Because the truth is friendly.

"Better is open rebuke 

than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; 

profuse are the kisses of an enemy."

Proverbs 27:5-6

This passage reveals that telling the truth openly is necessary to show true love for someone. It declares that when someone tells us a truth that hurts, that "wound" can be trusted. It also communicates that enemies will falsely praise us. 

True friends will tell the truth. 

And the truest Friend was (and is) the Truth. 

Jesus came to be our friend, but he wasn't your typical "bestie." He never gave false praise. He never built someone's ego in order to earn their friendship. He never let sin slide. 

And He loved us. He loved us truly, honestly, passionately, totally and purely. But there was never an ounce of untruth in Him. He told things for how they were, not how others wanted them to be.

Real friends will tell the truth. No matter how hard. No matter how awkward. No matter the time or place. They will love you so much that they will give you the honor of being honest with you.

I think that there are two important principles here. 

1. Speak the truth courageously and accept it humbly.

Don't be afraid to call someone out for their sin. Don't sugar-coat reality. Don't speak falsehoods. And, on the opposite side of this, accept the truth in humility and put away your pride. Realize that you are not perfect and that you need others to help you stay close to the Truth. Don't be afraid of the truth. The truth is freedom. It is power. It is Love. 

2. Do it all in love. 

I have seen and felt the consequences of speaking the truth without love. It hurts and condemns and causes despair. So, what does it mean to speak the truth "in love"? To do something "in love" is to put the other person first. It means that when you approach someone, your motivation is to draw them closer to God which is the best thing you could ever do for someone. When you are calling someone out, don't think that you are better than them, because you are not. Don't deceive yourself. Jesus spoke hard truth so that we could better understand and know our God in Heaven. 

In a culture that sells and advertises lies in cunning and appealing ways, I urge you, I encourage you, and I challenge you to sow the seed of truth. I will be forever grateful for my family who wasn't afraid to "wound" my feelings momentarily in order to heal my relationship with my Savior eternally.

That is real friendship. 

That is the Truth. That is Love.