The Lie of Being Independent

"You need to be independent in order to survive in the world. Learning to support yourself is fundamental for any success you ever hope to achieve."

I came across this interesting article yesterday. It concludes with these words:

"Make decisions by and for yourself, whatever they may be...We are born alone and we die alone, so we each have to take responsibility for our lives at every step along the way."

(The Importance of Being Independent; written by Ashley Fern on June 6th, 2013)

The idea of striving for independency is not unique to this article. I'm sure that we've all heard that independency and adulthood essentially go hand-in-hand. I know that I have. But what exactly is this concept of being an independent individual? Merriam-Webster to the rescue!

Independent: adj.: not requiring or relying on others (as for care and livelihood)

The allure of being independent used to captivate me.

But not anymore.

This past week has confirmed and re-confirmed my belief that it is quite impossible to be independent, and also that it is rather wonderful and desirable to be dependent and to ask others for help.

I have issues with asking for help (I'd rather spend hours trying to figure it out by myself than admit I can't do it). My first week at college changed all that.

Welcome, friends, to our home-away-from home!

This week alone I have had to ask for: bandaids, printer paper, more bandaids, help with the internet connection, still more bandaids (I thought that I was really smart and tried to balance a coffee mug on an already-too-tall stack of boxes that I was carrying and ended up with a broken mug and a profusely bleeding thumb), help with hanging curtains, homework, books, directions, prayer, grace, advice, mercy, and forgiveness.

And do you know what I discovered? Admitting that you don't know everything is okay. Knowing that you can't do it all is freeing. Understanding that you need help is beautiful.

Even if we did need to be independent in order to survive in this world (which is false; we all need help at some point), would simply surviving be worth it if loneliness became your friend? Would the echoing walls of that perfectly-furnished but never-used place that you created for yourself satisfy? My wonderful room mate and I have shared many delightful conversations and delicious cups of tea in this living room. It would be rather sad if I had no one with which to enjoy this place.

And that is how our culture has lied to us.  

We've been told over and over again that independency gives some kind of security; but what they haven't told us is that it creates selfishness, pride, and loneliness.  

Here's what I learned this week and would like to share with you:

Don't be afraid to ask for help: We are humans (not super-heros) and thus have mental, emotional, and physical limitations. We cannot do everything. Give someone the gift of being able to help you. Conversely, give help freely; with a smile and no complaining.

Realize that you need God's help above all: We are all in need of Christ. We are cursed of our own choice by sin. There is not a person on this earth who can free you from that bondage and eternal punishment - no one except for Jesus Christ. Don't allow yourself to be blinded by a culture that feeds us the lie of independency. You will not die alone if you surrender yourself to God and ask Him to save you. He loves you and death cannot stop that if you will recognize your need and believe in Him.

I am an individual who has limitations. I am flawed and imperfect. I choose to be vulnerable and ask for help, not just from others, but from my all-powerful Father in Heaven. I realize that I am in need of saving. "God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)

I am dependent upon Jesus Christ, and that, my friends, is a safe, wondrous, and beautiful place to be.